are you still at the devil's house?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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