I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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