and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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