I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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