Will you blow on my dice?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
