dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
