If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
