Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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