I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
