i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
