Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
