I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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