Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
