Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
