Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
