I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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