I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
