I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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