Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
