is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
