I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
