i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
