Where is the hickey?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
