im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
