Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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