I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
