I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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