I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
