That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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