I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
