I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
