I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
