I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
