great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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