Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
