i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
