Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
