sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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