I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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