2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
