these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
