sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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