The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
