Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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