get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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