i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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