just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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