just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
