i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
