? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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