i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sobbing to NWA
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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