He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
