Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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