i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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