I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
