I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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