youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
