Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
