So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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