oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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