A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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