haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
