just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm both gender and math confused
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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