i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
