Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are the jesus of drinking
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
