More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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