What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
