pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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