Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
