she was so not down for the gang bang
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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