So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
