the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
