I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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