I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
