you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
