Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
