the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
