I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
