I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
being pregnant is like rehab
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
